That's Why I Swim

I still remembered that morning when I got the news about that particular person.
My best friend sent me a WhatsApp message.
That was when I was told about him.
A morning before the Eid Day.

I still remembered that
about how my mind went black or blank in a sudden when I heard that.
I couldn't even think of anything
I couldn't even cry
because my own mind couldn't even comprehend what I did read on that chat.
One second,
two second,
I didn't remember how many seconds had passed until I finally realized that the only dream I could ever think of was completely gone...

It was on my grandmother's house
Each of my family members were gathering there
Thus it was impossible for me to cry in that situation
But I couldn't help
I couldn't help but crying, silently, in a room when I was asked to bring some stuffs

I couldn't help but helplessly cried
Until the next day, after the next day, and days after the next day
I couldn't even find a strength to do silaturahim or visiting other family member's houses
What I could do was only laying on the bed
Letting my mind going anywhere

Then, when I thought I already had a strength to do other activities
I chose to do writing and reading in my academic activities
Yet, those kinds of activities made me depressed even more
I couldn't read
even only one sentence
I lost the only ability that kept me going through life; reading.
I tried more and more
Yet I couldn't even let my mind focus to finish one sentence
I couldn't imagine that I could become such crazy

...and that was when I chose to travel, to somewhere peaceful and quiet
so that maybe
maybe I could find the happiness back
That was when I went to an island, to Lombok and Gili T.

Hearing the sound of waves
Letting my feet touched the softness of the white sand
Or walking along the shore and letting the wave swept off my feet

It was... liberating

That was when I thought that water could set myself free
And that was when I found that I could fall in love with swimming
Because when you were in water,
you couldn't hear anything from outside
even your mind got silent
All you could know was how your body was gliding, moving, along with the pace of water
Even your breathing would get steady
And that would help you a lot to stay calm
...And that was why I could swim almost every day
To set myself free